6 STEPS TO SOUND SLEEP
Lying awake in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep and ironically all you can think about is how important sleep is for your health. You beat yourself up for not getting the sleep you need. You’re exhausted. You don’t need to know how important sleep is, you just need to know how to make it happen.
And while there are plenty of uncontrollable factors that can impact your sleep (hormones + babies, for example), there are things within your control. Those are the places to focus your attention. In this post, I’ll tell you how to set your brain, body and bedroom up for optimal sleep.
SLEEP HYGIENE
Hygiene refers to the practices and behaviors that promote health. Sleep is fundamental to good physical and mental health. Getting good sleep should be as much a natural part of your daily routine as brushing your teeth and washing your hands.
A good sleep routine helps protect your health, promotes rest and relaxation. It might not guarantee perfect sleep— just like washing your hands doesn’t guarantee you won’t catch a cold. Choose the right things and even if you don’t get the end result, the process itself feels good.
These 6 steps will help you establish a bedtime routine that emphasizes sleep hygiene and mind/body connection.
STEP 1: DETERMINE YOUR BEST SLEEP SCHEDULE
Identify your ideal sleep window, taking into account real and logistical constraints of your life. Aim for a 7-9 hour window that is consistently available for sleep.
Your bedtime is when you want to turn off the lights to begin to fall asleep. Ideally this will be during the night.
Your wakeup time depends on your morning obligations and routine, but ideally happens when the sun is up.
There are plenty of uncontrollable factors impacting sleep schedules. Focus on the places where you can add structure that supports your needs. When determining your individual times, be both realistic about your limitations AND challenge your beliefs around those limitations. Are there some that you can change?
This schedule will serve as the basis for the rest of your routine. This helps you stay as consistent as possible with your schedule, which helps make it easier to both fall asleep and get up in the morning.
STEP 2: PREPARE YOUR BODY FOR SLEEP
If you want to go to bed at 9:30, it’s probably a bad idea to drink a can of Red Bull after dinner. It’s important to know how things like heavy meals, caffeine, exercise and mental stress impact your ability to fall asleep so that you can be intentional about when you are cutting things off during the day.
Maybe right now you don’t know the answer to some of these things. You haven’t really stopped to pay attention to how the things you are consuming in the afternoon might show up to impact your sleep in the middle of the night. But now is the time to get curious. If there is anything on this list that you consume/do pay attention to how the consumption/action or timing of consumption/action might be impacting your ability to fall asleep or stay asleep. How big is the impact? How long does it last? How does it show up? There’s no judgement here, just learning and awareness.
AlcoholNicotineCaffeineLiquidsHeavy MealDairyExerciseSexShoweringLooking at phoneLooking at computerWatching TVListening to PodcastListening to AudiobookReading bookSending work emailsTalking to family (extended)Conflict/tension within homeHousehold tasks/choresAs you gain awareness about how these various things impact your ability to sleep, make changes where possible. You get to decide whether or not you do laundry after 8pm or turn on a second episode of that show you are barely paying attention to. How does your decision change when you consider your sleep to be a top priority? Use your bedtime and work backwards to determine “cutoff” times for any of those things that impact your sleep.
STEP 3: PUT PEN TO PAPER
There’s a lot of evidence that taking a small amount of time (we’re talking 5-10 minutes) to unload your thoughts/feelings/worries can help you fall asleep and stay asleep.
Most often, the things keeping you from sleeping or waking you in the middle of the night are the things that you aren’t giving attention to in your waking time. There’s a lot going on in your head. And when it stays there, it piles up. It gets bigger. It becomes overwhelming. When you write that shit down and get it out of your head, you can face it. Maybe it is still hard, but it’s not going to get any worse once you get it out of that catastrophizing merry-go-round in your brain.
Sometimes, it’s taking a moment to hop off that merry-go-round that can make all the difference. That may come from writing it down, but it can also come by shifting your attention elsewhere. In those cases, a writing exercise focused on gratitude or positivity can be just the thing to help the nervous system switch into a rest/digest mode.
Think about what you want to get out of this time and use these strategies to help you get it.
PROCESSING & REFLECTION
Writing to process the day, reflect on emotions, think about goals, connect to values, vent, celebrate, worry, fantasize, document, or do whatever feels best.
Journaling- Can use prompts or not. Can use the same prompt every time or switch it up, THERE ARE NO RULES.
One word/One sentence Journals – Prompt response. Respond to the same every day or choose different ones. Keep it succinct.
FEEL GOOD
Great as daily practice or to help brain that has been focusing on the negative
Gratitude list
Something that made me smile today
Something that made me feel loved today
Something that made me feel capable today
My top 3/5/10 … (trails, foods, songs, authors, etc. etc….just let yourself make lists of favorite things. Remember, no rules!)
Strength Word— Choose a word that you want to draw strength from. Write it down. Explore what it means/evokes.
DE-STRESS
Brain Dump- write down anything and everything that comes to mind
Worry List- don’t keep those worries in your head! Write them down so you can deal with them.
Running Reminders– just a place where you can write down anything that you are worried you won’t remember
PLAN TOMORROW
Tomorrow’s to-do list
My top 3 priorities tomorrow are:
My intention for tomorrow is:
STEP 4: Make a ritual of it
The routine comes from doing the same things every day and building strong habits.
When you turn something into a ritual, it adds connection and depth to the routine. Instead of the routine feeling just like basic hygiene, it becomes a way to care for – and connect with – yourself.
To turn your sleep routine into a bedtime ritual, focus on mind/body connection. The primary ways to do this are to focus on engaging the senses or to practice mindfulness. There are endless possibilities to how you can use this time. These examples are a jumping off point. Notice that some things can work in multiple categories.
Hearing- Singing bowls, chants, nature sounds, classical music, soothing music, guided meditation or sleep story
Taste – Tea (chamomile, valerian root), golden milk, warm milk, sensory forward light snack
Smell – Lotions, candles, incense, pillow spray, diffuser, essential oils, lavender
Touch – Take a bath; apply lotion with intention; stretch; massage gun/foam roll
Sight - Bedroom should be decluttered and soothing to look at; Choose art, plants or other pleasant decorations to observe; engage visually with something off screens
Mindfulness – Meditation, imagery, body scan, breathing exercises, yoga
Explore these categories and identify what works for you. And what doesn’t – it’s all information. Then choose one or more to develop your ideal sleep routine. Maybe you have an “ideal” routine, for days where you have a little more time. And then you have a “chaos day” routine, for those nights when you don’t. Because on those nights you will want to tell yourself that you can’t do anything. But you can always do something to care for yourself. Decide now what that will be & it becomes that much easier to actually do.
STEP 5: GET THE ENVIRONMENT RIGHT
The ideal sleep environment is individual, but there are a few generally accepted guidelines that can serve as a starting point to setting your room up for ideal sleep.
Light
Most people sleep better in the dark. The pitch dark. That means the blue light emitting from tv screens or out of the charging computer can be disruptive to sleep. So can night lights and anything else that is glowing.
Use dimmer lights or candles to allow for an easier transition. The body will be more prepared for sleep if you turn off bright lights and do your sleep ritual in a dimmed room.
If light typically disrupts your sleep, consider an eye mask or blackout curtains.
Temperature
Most couples can tell you that it’s hard to agree on the perfect sleeping temperature. Scientists, though, have determined that for most of us, it’s somewhere between 65 and 68 degrees Fahrenheit. Open the window, turn on the fan and otherwise aim to have a cooler room.
It’s also true that most people want to feel warm and snuggled when they get into bed, but then their body temperature goes up as the night goes on. This temperature fluctuation can lead to waking up hot in the middle of the night. Consider temperature regulating pajamas or bedding to help with this.
Sound
Determine whether you fall asleep best in silence, with a little noise, or a bit more activity. Then set up your environment accordingly.
If you prefer silence, stock up on earplugs and soundproof curtains.
For those who like a little noise to fall asleep to – or who want to block out the noise around them – a sound machine/white noise machine can help.
If you like a little more noise, there are curated playlists of binaural beats, soothing music and nature sounds, which all promote sleep.
Finally, pop in some headphone and turn on a mindfulness app or podcast and listen to a guided meditation or sleep story.
STEP 6: CONSISTENCY IS KEY
You have your schedule, now stick to it!
I know, easier said than done. But with a few strategies- I know you can do it!
If you are looking to make a big shift to your overall schedule, start small. If you are switching both bedtime and wakeup time, start with wakeup. This transition seems to have the quickest gains. Start waking up 15-30 minutes earlier each day until you have your ideal wakeup time. Try to see sunshine soon after waking up. Get consistent with that time for a few days before focusing on your sleep time.
Keep this schedule as much as possible. On weekends. On vacations. When you don’t really want to. Consistency of routine is the best way to develop those neural pathways and to teach the body to do what you want it to do.
BONUS TIPS
If you are laying in bed for 20 minutes and can’t fall asleep, get up. Your body isn’t ready. Go back to steps 3 and 4 and continue to offer yourself care, relaxation and space for feelings.
It is OK to sleep in a different room than your partner if you need different environments to sleep comfortably.
Your bedroom should be just for sleep and sex. Not for watching TV. Not for catching up on work emails. Not for reading the news side by side on different devices.
You deserve great sleep! And it’s an important part of taking care of your physical and mental health. Rewrite your sleep story and see what happens when you get to show up to life well rested.
